Last weekend, I was out for a walk on a crisp sunny autumn day. At one point, I stopped to take a photo of my shadow. It stretched tall in front of me, and with the jacket tied round my waist billowing slightly, it looked like I was wearing a cape.
In that moment, my shadow looked like a superhero. Yet I didn’t feel like one. It struck me as a perfect metaphor for a phenomenon I sometimes discuss with clients: “fake it until you make it.”
On the surface, it’s a simple idea. By adopting behaviours we associate with success or confidence, we can project an image of capability while working to develop the substance behind it. But as I stood there staring at my “superhero” shadow, I couldn’t help but reflect on the paradox this creates: how do we balance projecting strength with staying authentic? "Fake it until you make it" can be a helpful tool when navigating uncertainty, offering a boost of confidence when it’s needed most. But what happens when it turns into a mask that hides deeper insecurities?
The Psychology of “Faking It”
At its core, “faking it” taps into a psychological principle: behaviour shapes belief. Acting confident can send signals not just to others, but also to ourselves, bolstering our sense of self-efficacy—a concept developed by psychologist Albert Bandura.
However, this approach can create tension. The gap between how we appear on the outside and how we feel on the inside can lead to cognitive dissonance—the discomfort of holding conflicting thoughts or actions. If we lean too heavily on “faking it” without addressing the underlying feelings or skills, we risk burnout, anxiety, and imposter syndrome.
As I gazed at my shadow that day, I thought about how the cape-like illusion was a bit like “faking it.” It looked impressive, even powerful, but the reality was just me standing there, jacket fluttering. It was a reminder of both the possibilities and the limits of projecting an image.
Why Do We Fake It?
We all have moments when we fake it—whether stepping into a new leadership role, giving a presentation, or simply navigating unfamiliar situations. Often, we fake it for reasons like:
1. Challenging Our Inner Critic
Sometimes, we fake confidence to push back against self-doubt. Acting “as if” we belong can interrupt limiting beliefs and create opportunities for growth.
2. Building a Bridge to Belonging
In new or intimidating environments, projecting confidence can help us feel like we fit in. It’s a social signal that can ease our transition into unfamiliar roles or groups.
3. Becoming Who We Want to Be
“Faking it” can also be an aspirational act. It’s a way of embodying the person we’re becoming while we build the skills and confidence to match.
The Paradox of Growth
That shadowy superhero reminded me of the paradox we face when growing into new roles or challenges. On one hand, projecting confidence can be empowering. On the other, it’s vital to stay connected to our authentic selves or we risk our mental health.
So how do we balance this paradox? Here are some ways to approach it:
1. Reframe “Faking It” as Experimenting
Rather than seeing it as pretending, think of it as a chance to practise new behaviours. You’re testing out the “cape,” learning what fits, and growing into the role.
2. Stay True to Your Values
Faking it doesn’t mean abandoning who you are. It means anchoring your actions in what matters most to you. Confidence rooted in authenticity feels more sustainable and less forced.
3. Close the Gap Between Acting and Feeling
If the gap between how you appear and how you feel becomes overwhelming, pause. What’s missing? Coaching can help you bridge this divide, providing tools to align your outer behaviour with your inner self.
4. Build Confidence Through Competence
Ultimately, the most sustainable form of confidence comes from knowing your strengths and honing your skills. Coaching offers a space to reflect on these, identify areas for growth, and develop strategies for genuine self-assurance.
How Coaching Can Help You Find Your “Cape”
Much like that shadow on the hillside, “faking it” can be a glimpse of the person you’re becoming. But turning that shadow into something real requires intentional effort. Coaching provides a safe space to explore this transformation:
It can help you challenge self-doubt and identify the internal narratives holding you back.
It offers tools to align your actions with your values, so you’re projecting confidence in a way that feels authentic.
It supports you in building genuine competence and resilience, bridging the gap between “faking it” and “making it.”
Growth is rarely a straight line. It often feels messy, even uncomfortable. But with the right support, you can navigate the discomfort of change and step into your potential—cape and all.
A Final Reflection
As I looked at that photo of my shadow, I realised that “faking it” isn’t about pretending to be something we’re not. It’s about allowing ourselves to step into who we’re becoming, even when it feels uncertain.
Carl Rogers, a founder of humanistic psychology, famously said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” That superhero shadow wasn’t me yet, but it symbolised the possibility of what I could grow into.
If this resonates with you and you’re curious about how coaching can help you embrace growth while staying authentic, I’d love to hear from you. Whether you’re stepping into a new role, leading through change, or striving for personal development, let’s explore how you can find your “cape”—not by faking, but by becoming.
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